Running is bad for my health

I hate running.  I think it was sent from Hades himself to torture me.  I know many of you are thinking, “running is great!”  “I feel wonderful afterwards!”  “It helps me relieve so much stress!”  “I do my best thinking when I run!”  “Liv, you should really give it another try.”

Well, I have, and it’s just not workin’ for me.  Running makes me feel like the kid from The Goonies who’s forced to do the truffle shuffle.  I hate it.  I get sweaty and stinky and I have to take a shower afterwards (another thing I hate is showers), not to mention I wheeze like a chronic smoker.  Yeah, it’s not a pretty sight.

truffle shuffle

And for the record, the best stress reliever for me is sitting on the couch snuggling and eating brownies while watching a movie.  Now that right there is perfection! Also I do my best thinking while sitting and thinking (it takes lots of concentration).

Despite my vaguely concealed hatred, my husband still thinks it’s a good idea to “take a jog” every once in a while. So, earlier this week, I conceded to his pleas and went for a jog run…with three dogs. (Granted, I was only holding onto one of them- the old one mind you.)  So we wake up early and begin our, didn’t know ’til later, two mile jog run.

As always, I started out thinking.  “This isn’t too bad.”  “The weather’s nice, it’s not that far, I can do this!”  What a lie.  About 5 minutes in I’m huffing and puffing and getting pulled by the (old) dog.  I keep encouraging myself until we reach the halfway mark.  By then, I’m spent.  I’m thinking, “just go get the scooter and pick me up here, then find a nice grave by the ocean for me.”  Rather than die, I decide to take a break and walk a little, which means that Nick gets soo far ahead of me.  Oh, yeah and the dog still wants to run, so I’m still getting pulled.

Thinking I’ll be clever, I decide to make a short cut through the field to catch back up with Nick.  Little did I know, but there were people playing golf in the field. (It is a driving range, but, really, people, golf at 6 am?)  So now I’m trying to catch up with Nick (which means more running), pulling a dog that now decides it’s time to find a place to poo, but I’m also watching for flying golf balls!  In the midst of my golf ball dodge, I suddenly realize I’m just pulling an empty collar on the leash.  The dog had wriggled out of it and was sniffing around, the devilish fiend!  FINALLY, I make it back to the side walk with the dog in tow and catch up with Nick who’s now waiting on me.

So there you have it folks, running is bad for my health.  Now excuse me while I go gobble up some gooey brownies and watch a Disney movie.

Categories: Fun Stuff, FYI, Humor | Tags: , , , | 10 Comments

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10 thoughts on “Running is bad for my health

  1. Gina

    OH MY, you make me laugh!!!

  2. That is exactly how I feel. I would rather not even walk but I know I need to for my health but I do not feel ‘good’ after exercise, I do not feel a rush, nothing. Just glad it’s over.

  3. Belva Bowers

    The apple doesn’t fall far! You are most definitely my child!

  4. Auntie Sherry

    You’re suppose to build up to it not run two miles right off the bat!!

    That was hariously funny, and yes, you are your mothers daughter! But walking is another form of running, it’s just at a much slower pace!

  5. I love how transparent you are with your writing, Liv! You must think I am REALLY nuts, since I began training for marathon distance 🙂 I have to side with Nick on this one, running is a great way to improve overall fitness, and gain some insight and awareness of your body – but Sherry is right, jumping in at 2 miles is a setup for failure. I started with a coaching plan called “Couch to 5K”, which gradually builds up to a 3 mile distance, over the course of 9 or 10 weeks, exercising 3 days a week. (There are several apps for iPhone and Android, free and readily available, that do all the thinking for you.) Having said that, I will also agree that running is not for everyone, and waling is a fine and healthy alternative – but give yourself a fair chance before you decide – what are the odds you would have been successful as a teacher, if you had just walked into a classroom with no preparation, stood at the front and said, “Here I am, let’s start learning!”

    • Thanks! I know 2 miles is a little much for a beginning. I really didn’t know it would be that far! Trust me, if I had known, I would have walked more of it (or all of it)! I checked out couch to 5k, and maybe I’ll give it a try. 🙂 I do think you’re a little crazy for wanting to run a marathon, I mean, that’s what cars are for. 😛 But I’m glad you enjoy it and are living a healthy lifestyle! I try not to be too hard on running, but it makes me so grumpy! LOL!

      • I read your reply to Karen, she declared you her soul sister; however, you get more wife points because she absolutely refuses to run with me – even if zombies are after us, she is only going to run until she can trip somebody!

      • She is a smart lady! That’s the kind of thinking that will keep you alive in Zombieland! BTW, if you haven’t seen that movie you should watch it! He says the first rule of Zombieland is cardio LOL! I’ve had to tell Nick to stop trying to encourage me while running, it just makes me more grumpy. I know he means well, I’d just rather be left alone. 😦

  6. Pingback: Food Marathon! | Nick and Liv go abroad

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